Bedtime for Bonzos.

I think, the more pitiful I allow myself to be, the longer I stay sick. I made myself go to a welcome home party with my mom today to see my once best friend while she was on leave for the navy. It was really nice, and I felt fine the whole day. I'm even feeling pretty great now. Very tired though. I just wish I didn't have to pee right now. I don't want to get out of my warm bed.

I can't stand the constant smell of campfire on my clothes and in my hair from hanging out up on the gazebo with everyone in the backyard.

Andrew and I had the whole house to ourselves last night. My dad was camping, and my sister spent the night at my mom's house. We watched The Lovely Bones (which isn't out yet) and Brothers. Both were really good, but disturbing. I get like 'stuck' in movies when they are good enough to leave an impact on me. I couldn't sleep right away. Andrew has been extra sweet lately because he's working on not being so confrontational and irrational. He likes to start fights for no reason other than to entertain himself I guess. He's been great the last 4 days with that. We haven't fought until tonight, but I think that was because he was tired from work.

I still really really have to pee.

It's seriously time for bed.

doggy doors.

Andrew mounted the speakers around the living room from the ceiling for surround sound and I can't stand it. Now, every movie officially has to be super loud. I can't hear myself think and I don't think Hayden enjoys it either.

Andrew took two extra shifts after being off for 4 days. It's nice that he will have 4 days this week as aposed to 2. I can't believe how often people have been calling off and calling Andrew to cover their shifts! The think that annoys me most about it, is we only have one car, and he doesn't even run it by me first before taking them. What if I had something planned for his day off like taking the baby to the doctor??! I shouldn't be complaining because it's money, and it's the opposite of what I have been usually complaining about (him not getting full time.)

Just now, there was silence, and I saw one of the dogs walk by, so I jumped up and ran to see where Hayden was, and he had opened the lock on the doggy door, let himself out, and went all the way up the hill to his little tikes car and was sitting in it. Luckily my sister was up there.

This is the second time he has done this. DUCK TAPE!

Andrew and I are kind of pondering the thought of NOT having a wedding, and since we are already married, maybe just wait until he get's full time and then try for a baby. If that's the case, we will be trying sooner rather than later! I really want to have a big family wedding, but at the same time, I kind of want to skip all of that and just go straight to the baby thing. My mom's business isn't doing well anyways, so she can't really afford it right now.

I heard a really cute story about weaning off of bottles the other day. My neighbor told me that when it was time to get rid of them, on Christmas, they had their daughter gather up all of the bottles and put them in a basket and told her that baby Jesus needed them, and Santa would take them to him. Apparently, she did fine with it, and is 3 now (this was at 2yrs) and had no issues and still talks about giving her bottles to baby Jesus. Hahah. Too bad Hayden will be 2 right smack in the middle of summer. I'm back and forth on the idea of getting rid of them. I feel like I'm taking away his babyhood because he's not talking a lot yet and still seems like a baby instead of a toddler. Not like Caelin. She's 2 going on 30 and blows everyone away. I want to get rid of them though because he's waking up in the middle of the night a lot asking for a 'baba' sometimes 2-3 times and won't go back to sleep unless he get's one. That just started when we moved into the new house. I don't know if the regression was from anxiety from new surroundings or what but he was taking one bottle before bed before.

I had a blast with my mom last night and this morning, but I'm glad to be home with my baby and husband. I missed sleeping next to my snoring rock.

oh

Am I the only american that doesn't like Family Guy? I can't stand Peter and of course he's the main character.

I'm not even tired, any my mom and I are in a nice hotel room at a casino. She passed out an hour ago, and I'm having anxiety from sleeping away ftom home and not having Andrew next to me in bed. I'm starving as well. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to a free all you can eat breakfast buffet. We played the slot machines tonight and spent $40. Tomorrow we get a free $20 game card to play on the machines. Its fin but I don't see how people could waste money on gambling!! All I can think about is all the things I could have bought with that $40!

We had dinner at The Melting Pot. It was a nice treat and surprise. We had amazing service and food and we got a $10 off coupon and the owner wants us to call ahead next time so he can give us a good deal. I guess my mom met him wine tasting a few days ago.

I really miss my family but its nice to get away. I had a hot bath in a very clean tub that I didn't have to scrape chest hairs and soap scum out of first, and vegging in front of a tv and not having cleaning or anything is kind of nice.

I wish I could give my baby some mama loves though.

blackberry?

Does this work?

$$$$

We decided for now that I'm staying home with Hayden because with a part time job & daycare costs around here, I will just about break even and it's a waste of my time. So I'm currently collecting my allotted unemployment that I'm trying not to feel guilty about because I've been paying into it since I was 15, and be a house wife! So far, I love it. It would be nicer if I had a car, and could participate in more play dates and family visits, but we are just barely keeping our heads above water with finances. We would be fine if my dad wasn't such a bum and was holding his end of the bargain up. That's a huge frustration right now with me. It causes me such bad anxiety. When we decided to all rent a house together, it was supposed to benefit us and him. Since our move in date (Halloween 2009), we have bought all of the groceries, beer, toilet paper, laundry detergent..etc.. for all 5 of us. RIDICULOUS. Andrew just keeps enabling him, and I put a stop to it. We are living on pretty much one income, and that's just part time. My dad works full time, and the only thing he needs to pay for is a new scion that he just bought, his diabetes medication, and his car insurance. But he of course spends his money on weed, cigarettes for him and my sister, and drinks at the YardHouse. He doesn't take care of himself at all besides cutting sugar out of his daily intake of iced tea and keeping up on his meds. It angers me. I used to be such a daddies girl, but now I can't stand him and think he's pretty pathetic at times. We graciously let my sister live here, because I feel bad making her go live with my mom and stepdad since he is such a douchebox, and the tension from their bad relationship is so thick you can cut it with a knife, and she plays with Hayden a lot, so that's always a plus. Now, we are practically raising her. Without us buying and making her dinner, she would be living on one can a soup a day and maybe some top ramen and iced tea. She's a huge pain in the butt at times, but ever since I had Hayden, I feel very maternal towards her and we have a pretty good relationship. She's 17, but she definitely needs someone to take care of her basic needs while she finishes up high school.. Anyways..the point of the story is.. we are praying Andrew get's full time soon. Like seriously that's all we can think about. He put his name on the list for interviews for a couple full time positions. One, this lady got because she was #1 in sales, and the other one, they didn't even bother interviewing him, they just gave someone the job that was qualified. He just put his name on two other lists. Seriously, I'm freaking out. He has to get a full time position. Not having health benefits is horrible. I need to go to the doctor badly for a few different things, and we will be better off with finances. I do think he will be less involved with Hayden and tired a lot, but hopefully he will get regular hours where he can come home and still unwind and have a life before going to bed. He's so great to me. So helpful with the baby, and takes care of the dirty work with bills, trash, car maintenance, paying off debt, etc. Things I couldn't stand to do and would probably procrastinate on. So I'm crossing my fingers and praying hard that he get's to interview soon!

New beginnings

I have decided, as of last night, that it's important to me (and secretly I think to Andrew as well) to have a good relationship with his parents and his grandparents and aunts/uncles (his mom's side). We get along with the Jansen side so perfectly, now, changes have to be made on my part. It starts with me. Even though I know I haven't done anything other than continued in growing as a couple with Andrew, and went along with making our own decisions. After the latest argument, I decided that I felt bad for her, and I would forgive her, move on, and include her in the things we want her to be included in, and not include her in the things she doesn't need to be, but thinks she does.

Things I'm changing:

1) added her on facebook, playing farmville with her and commenting on a picture here and there.

2.) added her entire family on facebook so they can be updated on silly Haydenisms and see pictures of him that I put up almost daily.

3.) I won't be posting any of my frustrations with her/her family on facebook anymore.

4.) Calling/emailing/going to visit her sister and her mom and dad (grammie & grandpa Henry) more often this year. Sending random cards and pictures in the mail to make them feel like a part of his life.

5.) Trying not to get offended by her random opinions/input on things we do.

6.) Making it a point to bring Hayden over once a week so they can have Grammie/Grandpa time.

I'm hoping it will go smoothly. It's going to take a lot of tongue biting/self control/relaxation techniques to get along with her, but I'm thinking positive, and I'm going to take one day at a time, and say that it's being going great since Jan 1st!

Wedded Bliss/Baby making

We have our wedding date set for October 22nd 2010 (Our actual one year anniversary of our legal courthouse marriage). I'm going to be brainstorming a lot through my blog for wedding ideas. I kind of know what I want, but nothing is set in stone yet, or has been booked. As soon as that's over and done with we are trying for baby #2. I'm so excited. I'm hoping we get pregnant right away, but with some miscarriage/fertility issues going on this year I'm not sure what will happen. It's all up to God. There are so many things I would love to try differently with the next baby. Breastfeeding is a MUST. I won't settle for anything else this time. It's been bothering me ever since I stopped with Hay. Also, exclusively cloth diapering. I have already started collecting newborn fluff and of course saving Hay's diapers as he grows out of them. It's become an addiction. I'm also still very much into the selective and delayed vaccinations, so far Hay has done well (knock on wood) and he hardly ever get's sick, and when he does, he doesn't get harsh symptoms, and has only had a fever once and that was with teething. Also, (probably wishful thinking on my part) if we have another boy, I would like to forgo the circumsizing. After a good friend sending me a whole packet of information on the benefits of keeping boys intact, I have a completely different view on the matter. The problem now would be convincing Andrew. But in the meantime.. I guess I should be focusing on the wedding, not my baby fever <3