I'm unbelievably annoyed right now. I can't blame anyone else but myself for the problems I'm facing right now, but of course Andrew's mom is going to add to it. Ever since I quit my job, there is hell to pay. Neither Andrew or I have a job. I have to still come up with my share of the rent though. It's only $350 and then I pay half of the bills, but when you have no source of income coming in, it's too much. His parents pay his half plus a little more because they wanted the baby to have his own room. I'm not allowed back at my parents because my mom said I could come back one time and that's it. Of course I used that up. My life is a mess. I want to go back to school at night so I can get a quick degree (cosmotology,) and they offer monthly payments, but my mom pointed out to me that I don't even have the money to make the monthly payments. She said what she always says to me "There will be another opportunity, now is not the time." Well if I don't go back to school while I'm motivated to, I never will. I can't work a menial job for the rest of my life. I need some kind of degree. I would rather take $1500 to go back to school, then to have $1500 towards a wedding for Andrew and I. I want to get married. But right now, I have zero self esteem, and I don't know why Andrew would even want to marry me.
I'm also facing another big thing, Andrew found all these jobs in LA. So he wants to work, and go to school in LA, and live down here, an hour and a half away?! He will be exhausted, and be spending all of his time commuting and not here with his family. Sooner or later he will have to do an internship in LA (supposed to be this quarter or next) and I'm going to have to let him. We talked about it, and we were thinking that we should move to LA, forfeit our lease at the apartment here in Elsinore, (it's only 1 months rent) and rent a house there. Even in nicer areas, a 3 bedroom house is going for less than our apartment here. It's probably because of how bad the housing market is right now. I have horrible credit, so of course it would have to be rented out under his name or his parents. But they probably wouldn't go for it. I can already hear in my head what they would say. "You can't make your bills out here, what would make you think you could make them out there?" Correct. But... I also found like 5 billion jobs in my field in LA. It's more city-ish out there. More businesses that need personal assistants/secretaries/office workers. So again, I'm stuck. I don't know what to do. I would have to find daycare out there and chances are, it would be more expensive. I don't have any family or friends there (It's 2 hours away.) Gaaaaaahhh.
And to make matters even greater. His parents are going to take back the car next week that I have been making payments on, because I can no longer afford it. So if I wanted to go look for a job I couldn't. And when on the phone with his mom about the subject she was just so naggy. "Once we take back the car, you are NOT to drive Andrew's because you aren't insured on his vehicle." She always has to make sure that every detail, even minor, is covered. She drives me crazy. It's not their fault though. If it was a car company and I couldn't pay, they would take back the car, so why am I mad?? Because they aren't a car company. They are family. It will just be sitting in their driveway doing nothing, while I'm struggling without a car. What if something happens to the baby? or me? or a family member and andrew is at work or school?? I'm stranded without transportation.
On a lighter note. I had already bought plate,cups, and napkins for both of Hayden's birthday parties. So that's one less thing my mom/Andrew's mom has to buy. At least I'm helping out a little.
He's having two birthday parties. His mom offered the backyard and pool for his party, and I didn't want to tell her 'no.' We had the babyshower at my moms house and her and her side of the family were in their little 'clique' and wouldn't talk to anyone other than each other the whole time. Pissed me off, and made my very outgoing family really uncomfortable. So of course when I told everyone about the party at Andrew's parents, everyone spoke the truth and said that they would need a beer or two in order to feel comfortable. Well of course Tracy is not going to let people drink at their house. Or smoke. I want people to be comfortable. It's mainly for the adults for the first birthday in celebration of getting through the first year of being a parent. Of course I'm going to have kid stuff, but #1 Hayden is too young to understand or enjoy anything besides love and attention, and #2, all his friends are the same age so it's not like I'm going to be upsetting any kids.
So there will be a party on Saturday at Tracy's house for Hayden. My mom, dad, and one friend and her baby are going to that one, and the next day, Sunday, everyone will come over again to my mom's plus many more, for a laid back bbq in my mom's backyard. Paid for by my mom of course.
I'm not going to tell Tracy about the other party, and hopefully nobody slips. I don't want to purposely hurt her feelings, it's just that every gathering I have been to with their side of the family (besides the fun Jansen side) has been rather stuffy, and my family is the complete opposite.
Well, I'm feeling quite better. Anything else comes up, I'll be back on today.
No comments:
Post a Comment