Grassification instanus

Running in water. You're getting somewhere, just really really slowly.
That's exactly how to describe how I feel. My mom constantly reminds me that my generation is an 'Instant Gratification' generation. She's right when it comes to me. I hate waiting. You only live once. Come on. I'm sick of having to constantly ask Andrew to do things. Apparently, I'm the only one who sees the baby needs to be fed, or changed. That the trash needs to be taken out. etc.. etc..

Andrew wants to play video games, watch movies with his headphones on, go out with his friends 2-3 nights a week, smoke week once a day.

Meghan wants, to have babies, have fun as a family, enjoy the outdoors and the simple things in life. Cherish what she has.

Those two people don't go hand in hand. Why am I CONSTANTLY trying to convince myself that I'm happy? What the hell is my problem. I stay because I have no other choice. I can't leave Andrew with bad credit that I helped run up and no way to pay for it.
I love him, but love is not enough. I want to be friends. I want to enjoy at least 5 things we do together. The only thing we like to do, is spend money, and DTD. Other than that, we don't get along.

I keep making wedding plans because I think that things will work out, I just need to wait about 5 years. What am I supposed to do meanwhile?? Be completely fucking miserable??

I can't tell Andrew that he can't smoke, can't smoke weed, can't play video games, can't hang out with his friends that often. When I do, I'm trying to completely change who he is. He won't be his own person. I WANT/NEED someone who is ready to settle down, and be a good person. Be a father, a friend, AND their own person. I know that kind of man is out there.
I can't be alone.
I don't want to be alone.
I won't be alone. I deserve for a companion to be there for me and my baby.