Promotion??

Good news on the home front.

When Andrew didn't get the last promotion, my dad felt really bad, and kind of pissed, so he went to the manager and told her about how great he has been, and recommended him for a genius position (which is someone who fixes the computers/iphones.) Then, Sunday when Andrew worked, the manager pulled him aside and told him that he will be placed in Genius training next week, and within 4-6 weeks, two full time Family Room Specialist & Genius positions will be opening up!!! It seems promising!

Changes and decisions.

Dyed some wool yarn for the first time the other night with kool-aid. It didn't turn out as bright as I wanted. In fact, it is VERY pastel-ish. I did a green and blue. I'm going to take back the Dylon dye that I bought by mistake. (Actually, it was Andrew who picked it out. He was going for whatever was cheapest.)

Yesterday, I took advantage of the unoccupied cubbies that we have in the house where the washer and dryer hookups used to be, before they were moved to the garage by the landlord. I moved my rolling cart and some bins, and created a very organized craft corner. Andrew brought in an unoccupied desk that was just sitting in his 'cave' and put it in our dining area. It actually flows quite nicely. We now have access to the kitchen table. What a concept! Before, we all stood and ate, except for a small spot of tabletop cleared just for Hayden for meals.

I had a serious talk with Andrew last night about my 'no circumcising' debate. He told me he didn't really care, and because I did the research, and he didn't 'feel' like looking at the research, he wasn't informed enough to retort. So I explained that I wanted to be on the same page, and I would really like it if he looked at the information instead of basically 'giving up.' He sat and listened to the things I read him, and still said the same thing. He really doesn't care. I know that sounds bad, but after the initial argument about cloth diapering, he realized how great it was, and he didn't care either way about the 'no vaccination' thing at first, but then he realized how healthy, and happy Hayden is. Occasionally he will comment about something vaccination related. Saying he doesn't 'care' isn't right. It's more like, he doesn't really have an opinion. Once he get's the initial hang of it, he thinks its great. He's just not too much of a 'feelings sharer.'

So.. we will be leaving our future un-conceived son intact. If we even have another son. At least I know that it's out of the way. There is no going back. After seeing and reading what I have, I could never change my mind.

We also decided that we would either side car the crib to our bed, or put our mattress on the ground and push a twin up against it to cosleep when the second baby comes. I would really really like to do that now. Just put our mattress on the ground, and put Hayden's mattress up against it so we can all sleep together. I don't think Andrew would go for it though. It just makes me feel better, and it's a lot easier for me to comfort him when he get's up throughout the night. I know I shouldn't complain, but it's hard for me to get up 8 times and go in and rock him and give him a bottle.

I'm still unsure.

Still more strange symptoms for me.

I went to our wic appt today, and I was really nervous and had a huge adrenaline rush from being late, and then walking in to 100 other people in there. I don't like long waits, and I don't like feeling crowded. Both cause intense panic attacks for me. So I took some Nerve Tonic, and distracted myself with my happy spastic son. It wasn't nearly as long as I imagined, and I got in and out of there in an hour. Then I drove to the end of the plaza and redeemed our vouchers. When I got home, I peeled a tangerine and ate it, and had a small cup of milk. About 10 min later I started getting an ache in my jaw, and then noticed my glands below my ears/throat had swelled up, and now my throat feels funny. That whole area keeps twitching now. I'm so sick of my 'gland' problems and them swelling up for no reason. I know I'm not allergic to milk, or tangerines so what gives???! I know stress can cause hives and IBS, and other strange internal/external things for people, so maybe that's my symptom?? If it's not gone by the end of the day, I'll see if my mom can put a doctors visit on her credit card for me, and we will pay her back on payday. I hate to do that, but I don't want to have something life threatening wrong with me and find out it could have been prevented by something. I'm scared. Everyday something new happens, whether it's random blood sugar attacks, or bad headaches. I would like to get everything like that taken care of before we have another baby.

TOTAL TMI. Even for myself. I started feeling nauseated and got a bad headache today. I wondered what was going on. AF doesn't normally make me feel that way. Well... I finally realized I had forgotten about a tampon for 20 HOURS!!!!! I'm so dumb, and now I'm freaking out and watching for a fever to make sure it's not TSS or something weird. I remember why I switched to mama cloth. I hate tampons. I only put one in last night so I could take a bath with Hay. :( Yuck.

On the upside, Hay had a good pediatrician appointment today, but they told him no dairy for a week to see if that's what's causing his cough to linger. So we picked up some soy milk that we will try and substitute for him normal milk intake.

Went to fresh & easy again today. Totally in love with that store. We picked up three medium organic pizzas today for $1.40 each. All because they were 'day old.' So we just toss them in the freezer. That's a snack for Andrew.

Later.

I smell something so incredibly bad in my kitchen. I checked the trash, garbage disposal, fridge, pantry, counters, and even myself (thankfully it's not me) and I can't find the source. I'm really really hoping it's not some sort of dead rodent in the walls. There is one in Hayden's room, but I'm not cutting into the drywall to find it and remove it. Hopefully we don't have a repeat of that in the kitchen. Gross.

I have been working on a huge stack of un-paper towels and cloth napkins for the grand opening of our congo. I feel like I have a lot of work, but not enough stuff to put on there. I messed up on a set, so I kept them for the family, and made a matching hanging linen pail that hangs on the oven door for dirty cloth. I didn't even need to explain how to use the system. I woke up this morning, and everything was already being used and disposed of in the bag. Yesssss.

I also feel like I haven't been playing with/teaching Hayden as much as I should because of all the work I am doing at home. I try to keep everything until the evening when he goes to bed, but I have a hard time just sitting there and playing or watching shows with him when I know he plays so well by himself and I could be getting things done. Luckily, I work on the kitchen table for now, and he can come up to me and bring/show me things as he pleases and comes up randomly for 'mama loves' as I call them. There is a pile sitting here on the table of random things he has brought me. A stack of Dr. Suess books that I read, a computer mouse, Season 1 of Grey's Anatomy, His felt sushi, a car, a play drill, and a Yo Gabba Gabba character.

I have separation issues when he sleeps. Even though I would love to use that time to get things done. When he's down for a nap, or in bed, I feel weird. I miss him and need him running around and playing.

I have HORRIBLE AF cramps. It's causing all kinds of wonderful lower intestinal uproar this morning.

We visited Andrew's parent's the other day, and they asked why he never has shoes on. Well, he's inside at home pretty much everyday, so I don't see why he needs to wear shoes. He's always barefoot, in socks, or in slippers (although we misplaced one.) She asked about the shoes that she got him for Christmas, and I told her that they didn't fit. So we gave them back yesterday, and she exchanged them and picked up a couple more pairs and some socks haha. It's not like he is deprived. We a pair that he wears when we go out places other than families house. I don't see the need to buy him 3 or 4 pairs because of the rate that his feet grow. They are wide and chunky. Like blocks. Poor kid. Poor us. Hopefully his feet keep a steady pace for the next 17 years until they stop growing.

I just took the carseats out of my dad and Andrew's car and checked the height/weight requirements again and made sure everything was good. I wish I could get my mom to rear face Caelin.

Hay is up.

home birth.

I just read the most absolutely amazing article on home birth. I can't wait to make my birth mine. To not have to be scared, confined, to eat when I want, to move when I want, to embrace every part of birth. It sounds so amazing. I hope my friend Alex get's to experience it. Her husband is very very against it. It's causing huge fights. They are TTC right now and it's a huge issue. I'm glad Andrew is on board with it for our next baby.

fees

Oh, I also called Sprint to downgrade my plan since I only use about 40 of the 450 minutes I get every month, and I wanted to take off the data plan to save some money after doing our family budget, and they informed me that because I have a blackberry, I can't downgrade because it's a smartphone and I HAVE to have the data plan. I understood that, but I didn't understand them not being able to downgrade my minutes. I also complained about a new $5 charge on my account that after some time discussing, they told me was a new 'Spending limit balance FEE' that is now added to every account that has a spending limit balance as of 1/1/2010. I never agreed to those terms when I signed my contract, so the lady told me if I wanted to close my account, I could, and she would waive the $180 early termination fee. So I just went ahead and did that since I was spending $90 a month just by myself. So Andrew and I decided to put me on his account, and find a used Iphone on Ebay or something and just share his minutes (along with some crazy amount of rollover minutes) and get the data plan, but no texting, and use one of the many SMS apps or Ichat for texting. Hopefully I get it soon because not having a phone feels totally weird to me.

bitter

I was a little irrational the other day. Andrew was up for that promotion, and he didn't get it. His friend Aaron got it. I'm pretty pissed because 1.) Aaron has called off of work to go see a movie premiere vs. Andrew who not only has never called off and never been late, but he also covers everyone's shifts who call off. 2.) The Manager who hired him, "hangs out" with him after work. My dad came home the other night and told me they were all hanging out at someone's house and then the manager showed up and hung out. I was really mad that Aaron was in the same room as the manager and I couldn't help but think that that would influence her decision on the promotion. 3.) Andrew started the same time as Aaron and is just as qualified as he is, if not more. I think there is some good ol' fashioned politics going on there. It's cool that the manager hangs out with the employees, but we are being directly affected by the fraternizing it makes me very very angry.

I know it's not Aaron's fault, but I decided I didn't want him on my friend's list on facebook. Especially when I see pictures of him 'celebrating' his promotion. I also don't want him over at our house any time soon either. I know I'm being ridiculous, but after Andrew being up for 4 promotions so far, and turned down for all of them, It burns.

Alex and Callie came over yesterday and we talked about setting up our Congo. We are going to have 7 people total in the shop. Everyone selling different things. I'm excited. It's supposed to draw more traffic. I also had a photo session with Callie. She was so cute, played with the doggie the whole time.

Poor Hayden is banging on our bedroom door asking for 'dada,' but he's at work :(

I'm counting down the hours until nap time. I'm so exhausted from Hayden getting up at 7 and only getting 4 hours of sleep.

happenings

Now I remember why I don't watch the news anymore. Tonight after hearing about gas prices sky rocketing, another earthquake in California, someone hitting two little girls crossing the street and then driving away, and airlines upping their prices for baggage check again, it made me fell depressed. Seriously.. I thought things might get better in the world, but I guess not just yet. I'll forgo the news once again.

On a lighter note, my husband is bringing my Sonic. I have never had it before because the closest one is in Los Angeles. AF is coming, so I intense cravings for a cheeseburger and the tater tots and Cherry Limeade is an added bonus! He works again tomorrow, and then on Thursday, I'm going to drop him off at work and head to San Diego to meet a fellow July 2008 Firecracker and their mommy at the Children's Museum. It looks like Hayden will really like it. I can't wait to take a million pictures. I love San Diego. It's about an hour and 10 minutes away but it will be worth it and it's not too expensive so that's always a plus.

I feel really bad, my best friend invited Andrew and I to Pechanga to stay at the Hotel for the night for her birthday and play some slots and go to dinner. Originally, it was supposed to be wine tasting on a party bus, but I was going to tell her we would have to pass on that because it would cost us about $160 just for the tastings, and then dinner on top of that. Now I have to tell her we can't afford this either. It will cost us about the same amount. $106 for the room and then dinner and drinks and maybe a few games. I fell really bad because I really wanted to go and she's my best friend, but we don't make the same kind of money that her and her husband do. Maybe for Andrew's birthday in May, we will have saved up enough to do something like that extra.

night night

Andrew works until 10 tonight. :/ I miss him.

I have been dragging all day. I'm tired. I did too much last night and this morning. I need to stop cleaning. I organized all of the business receipts and paperwork and health/personal stuff into an accordion file today. I'm trying to organize/declutter something everyday. My mom is building me two desks back to back in our hallway. One for sewing, and one for soaps and candles. Right now, there two wall insets where the washer and dryer used to be facing each other. I have to say though, I'm very glad they moved it before we moved in because I do at least 3 loads of laundry a day and it's right next to Hayden's room. He would never take naps.

Twice today, I gave Hayden a bottle at nap time and the first time he drank a few sips and put it down, and the other one he didn't even want to have anything to do with it.

He took one just now before bed though.

Bedtime for Bonzos.

I think, the more pitiful I allow myself to be, the longer I stay sick. I made myself go to a welcome home party with my mom today to see my once best friend while she was on leave for the navy. It was really nice, and I felt fine the whole day. I'm even feeling pretty great now. Very tired though. I just wish I didn't have to pee right now. I don't want to get out of my warm bed.

I can't stand the constant smell of campfire on my clothes and in my hair from hanging out up on the gazebo with everyone in the backyard.

Andrew and I had the whole house to ourselves last night. My dad was camping, and my sister spent the night at my mom's house. We watched The Lovely Bones (which isn't out yet) and Brothers. Both were really good, but disturbing. I get like 'stuck' in movies when they are good enough to leave an impact on me. I couldn't sleep right away. Andrew has been extra sweet lately because he's working on not being so confrontational and irrational. He likes to start fights for no reason other than to entertain himself I guess. He's been great the last 4 days with that. We haven't fought until tonight, but I think that was because he was tired from work.

I still really really have to pee.

It's seriously time for bed.

doggy doors.

Andrew mounted the speakers around the living room from the ceiling for surround sound and I can't stand it. Now, every movie officially has to be super loud. I can't hear myself think and I don't think Hayden enjoys it either.

Andrew took two extra shifts after being off for 4 days. It's nice that he will have 4 days this week as aposed to 2. I can't believe how often people have been calling off and calling Andrew to cover their shifts! The think that annoys me most about it, is we only have one car, and he doesn't even run it by me first before taking them. What if I had something planned for his day off like taking the baby to the doctor??! I shouldn't be complaining because it's money, and it's the opposite of what I have been usually complaining about (him not getting full time.)

Just now, there was silence, and I saw one of the dogs walk by, so I jumped up and ran to see where Hayden was, and he had opened the lock on the doggy door, let himself out, and went all the way up the hill to his little tikes car and was sitting in it. Luckily my sister was up there.

This is the second time he has done this. DUCK TAPE!

Andrew and I are kind of pondering the thought of NOT having a wedding, and since we are already married, maybe just wait until he get's full time and then try for a baby. If that's the case, we will be trying sooner rather than later! I really want to have a big family wedding, but at the same time, I kind of want to skip all of that and just go straight to the baby thing. My mom's business isn't doing well anyways, so she can't really afford it right now.

I heard a really cute story about weaning off of bottles the other day. My neighbor told me that when it was time to get rid of them, on Christmas, they had their daughter gather up all of the bottles and put them in a basket and told her that baby Jesus needed them, and Santa would take them to him. Apparently, she did fine with it, and is 3 now (this was at 2yrs) and had no issues and still talks about giving her bottles to baby Jesus. Hahah. Too bad Hayden will be 2 right smack in the middle of summer. I'm back and forth on the idea of getting rid of them. I feel like I'm taking away his babyhood because he's not talking a lot yet and still seems like a baby instead of a toddler. Not like Caelin. She's 2 going on 30 and blows everyone away. I want to get rid of them though because he's waking up in the middle of the night a lot asking for a 'baba' sometimes 2-3 times and won't go back to sleep unless he get's one. That just started when we moved into the new house. I don't know if the regression was from anxiety from new surroundings or what but he was taking one bottle before bed before.

I had a blast with my mom last night and this morning, but I'm glad to be home with my baby and husband. I missed sleeping next to my snoring rock.

oh

Am I the only american that doesn't like Family Guy? I can't stand Peter and of course he's the main character.

I'm not even tired, any my mom and I are in a nice hotel room at a casino. She passed out an hour ago, and I'm having anxiety from sleeping away ftom home and not having Andrew next to me in bed. I'm starving as well. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to a free all you can eat breakfast buffet. We played the slot machines tonight and spent $40. Tomorrow we get a free $20 game card to play on the machines. Its fin but I don't see how people could waste money on gambling!! All I can think about is all the things I could have bought with that $40!

We had dinner at The Melting Pot. It was a nice treat and surprise. We had amazing service and food and we got a $10 off coupon and the owner wants us to call ahead next time so he can give us a good deal. I guess my mom met him wine tasting a few days ago.

I really miss my family but its nice to get away. I had a hot bath in a very clean tub that I didn't have to scrape chest hairs and soap scum out of first, and vegging in front of a tv and not having cleaning or anything is kind of nice.

I wish I could give my baby some mama loves though.

blackberry?

Does this work?

$$$$

We decided for now that I'm staying home with Hayden because with a part time job & daycare costs around here, I will just about break even and it's a waste of my time. So I'm currently collecting my allotted unemployment that I'm trying not to feel guilty about because I've been paying into it since I was 15, and be a house wife! So far, I love it. It would be nicer if I had a car, and could participate in more play dates and family visits, but we are just barely keeping our heads above water with finances. We would be fine if my dad wasn't such a bum and was holding his end of the bargain up. That's a huge frustration right now with me. It causes me such bad anxiety. When we decided to all rent a house together, it was supposed to benefit us and him. Since our move in date (Halloween 2009), we have bought all of the groceries, beer, toilet paper, laundry detergent..etc.. for all 5 of us. RIDICULOUS. Andrew just keeps enabling him, and I put a stop to it. We are living on pretty much one income, and that's just part time. My dad works full time, and the only thing he needs to pay for is a new scion that he just bought, his diabetes medication, and his car insurance. But he of course spends his money on weed, cigarettes for him and my sister, and drinks at the YardHouse. He doesn't take care of himself at all besides cutting sugar out of his daily intake of iced tea and keeping up on his meds. It angers me. I used to be such a daddies girl, but now I can't stand him and think he's pretty pathetic at times. We graciously let my sister live here, because I feel bad making her go live with my mom and stepdad since he is such a douchebox, and the tension from their bad relationship is so thick you can cut it with a knife, and she plays with Hayden a lot, so that's always a plus. Now, we are practically raising her. Without us buying and making her dinner, she would be living on one can a soup a day and maybe some top ramen and iced tea. She's a huge pain in the butt at times, but ever since I had Hayden, I feel very maternal towards her and we have a pretty good relationship. She's 17, but she definitely needs someone to take care of her basic needs while she finishes up high school.. Anyways..the point of the story is.. we are praying Andrew get's full time soon. Like seriously that's all we can think about. He put his name on the list for interviews for a couple full time positions. One, this lady got because she was #1 in sales, and the other one, they didn't even bother interviewing him, they just gave someone the job that was qualified. He just put his name on two other lists. Seriously, I'm freaking out. He has to get a full time position. Not having health benefits is horrible. I need to go to the doctor badly for a few different things, and we will be better off with finances. I do think he will be less involved with Hayden and tired a lot, but hopefully he will get regular hours where he can come home and still unwind and have a life before going to bed. He's so great to me. So helpful with the baby, and takes care of the dirty work with bills, trash, car maintenance, paying off debt, etc. Things I couldn't stand to do and would probably procrastinate on. So I'm crossing my fingers and praying hard that he get's to interview soon!

New beginnings

I have decided, as of last night, that it's important to me (and secretly I think to Andrew as well) to have a good relationship with his parents and his grandparents and aunts/uncles (his mom's side). We get along with the Jansen side so perfectly, now, changes have to be made on my part. It starts with me. Even though I know I haven't done anything other than continued in growing as a couple with Andrew, and went along with making our own decisions. After the latest argument, I decided that I felt bad for her, and I would forgive her, move on, and include her in the things we want her to be included in, and not include her in the things she doesn't need to be, but thinks she does.

Things I'm changing:

1) added her on facebook, playing farmville with her and commenting on a picture here and there.

2.) added her entire family on facebook so they can be updated on silly Haydenisms and see pictures of him that I put up almost daily.

3.) I won't be posting any of my frustrations with her/her family on facebook anymore.

4.) Calling/emailing/going to visit her sister and her mom and dad (grammie & grandpa Henry) more often this year. Sending random cards and pictures in the mail to make them feel like a part of his life.

5.) Trying not to get offended by her random opinions/input on things we do.

6.) Making it a point to bring Hayden over once a week so they can have Grammie/Grandpa time.

I'm hoping it will go smoothly. It's going to take a lot of tongue biting/self control/relaxation techniques to get along with her, but I'm thinking positive, and I'm going to take one day at a time, and say that it's being going great since Jan 1st!

Wedded Bliss/Baby making

We have our wedding date set for October 22nd 2010 (Our actual one year anniversary of our legal courthouse marriage). I'm going to be brainstorming a lot through my blog for wedding ideas. I kind of know what I want, but nothing is set in stone yet, or has been booked. As soon as that's over and done with we are trying for baby #2. I'm so excited. I'm hoping we get pregnant right away, but with some miscarriage/fertility issues going on this year I'm not sure what will happen. It's all up to God. There are so many things I would love to try differently with the next baby. Breastfeeding is a MUST. I won't settle for anything else this time. It's been bothering me ever since I stopped with Hay. Also, exclusively cloth diapering. I have already started collecting newborn fluff and of course saving Hay's diapers as he grows out of them. It's become an addiction. I'm also still very much into the selective and delayed vaccinations, so far Hay has done well (knock on wood) and he hardly ever get's sick, and when he does, he doesn't get harsh symptoms, and has only had a fever once and that was with teething. Also, (probably wishful thinking on my part) if we have another boy, I would like to forgo the circumsizing. After a good friend sending me a whole packet of information on the benefits of keeping boys intact, I have a completely different view on the matter. The problem now would be convincing Andrew. But in the meantime.. I guess I should be focusing on the wedding, not my baby fever <3

The New Year

I noticed that a lot of my friends and family are going through a lot right now. I honestly think the tough times will create a paradigm shift for most people. That's what I feel happened to me. My newfound love for doing things more natural has completely taken me over. I don't think I could ever go back. Here are some things that I changed in my life for the better:

1) Being more resourceful with money.

2.) Switching to cloth diapers, cloth wipes, & natural detergents.

3.) Switching our sweetener to organic raw cane sugar.

4.) I started making my own natural soaps.

5.) I switched all the candles in the house (which is a lot) to soy (burns cleaner, more natural.)

6.) Started my own home business making soaps, candles, wool wash, and sewed/crocheted items.

7.) Started buying things we needed for the house/Christmas on Craigslist

8.) Started recycling everything we could

9.) Planting fresh herbs/vegetables (still in the process...)

10.) Stopped using fabric softener (using wool dryer balls instead)

11.) Got rid of paper napkins & paper towels in our house (we use cloth now)

12.) Started using mamacloth (reusable/washable menstrual pads)

13.) Stopped taking my anxiety/anti-depressant medication

14.) Invested in a homeopathic medicine kit for the family (which actually works well!!!!!!)

15.) Traded for most of the Christmas presents I needed & stuff for the family on diaperswappers.com/swapmama

Things to come:

Switching to a midwife

Buying bulk

Doing all of our other grocery shopping at Sprouts or Trader Joe's.