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Burst of energy today. Everyone predicted labor... I'm like 80% sure that's what's happening now.

Unfortunately, it's been going on since 9pm, it's now 2:44am.. I can't sleep through the contractions because they are so painful. They are 3-4min apart, and hurt like absolute h377.............

I tried everything that always stops my false labors, but I'm pretty sure this is it. Although I said that last time.

I went to bed at 9 because I was annoyed by braxton hicks contrax. Woke up from a dream about really bad period cramps. Then got up to pee and realized they weren't cramps. Then my stomach started acting up, and I felt like I had to go to the bathroom every 5 min for the first half hour.

...................................................................timing contrax on andrew's droid. Droid Doula. (haha)
I hope this isn't the start of some 3 day labor.
I need to get some sleep. Impossible.
Making a labor playlist instead for the ipod.

Refreshing!

Yesterday was a horrible day. I was crying and calling my mom by 7:30am. Hayden was helacioius, Andrew and I had fought the night before because of never seeing him, and I was so unbelievably tired from not getting any sleep. I ended up taking Hay for a walk in the stroller (he refused to walk for some reason) and met a girl that lives in our complex that is a SAHM to a 15 month old. We talked for awhile about how 'not easy' it is to stay home all day alone while your husband works. Then Hay and I came home, and all of a sudden like a brick wall, I felt horrible. I had a headache, my intestines were in knots and I had HORRIBLE diarrhea. It was weird. Since Hayden was ready for a nap, we laid down, and only ended up sleeping for 45 min before he woke up. Then last night, I figured I would try to speed things along. So we DTD, and then I took the dog for a walk around the complex to start up contractions (it always works.) However, it didn't do much, so I went to bed.

I woke up this morning feeling GREAT! Like I'm not even pregnant (besides Nixon moving around) He's not beating up my cervix, I can walk better, breathe better, and I'm really refreshed. Especially for not sleeping very well last night. I was ready to go grocery shopping by 7am, and grabbed a Starbucks. I called my mom and told her how I felt, and she immediately got worried, and said that's what happened to her before she went into labor with me at night, and my sister. Now everyone is saying that, and although it would be nice, I can't see it happening. I just don't get the vibe.

Everything is great so far, besides extreme fits from Hayden (which for some reason I have a newfound patience for) and having to punish the cat by locking her in the bathroom 500 times because she won't stay off the kitchen table or counters.

need. new. schedule.

I don't know how people do it. I'm so frustrated right now. Andrew has to work, but him gone from 5:30am-7pm doesn't work. He get's off at 5pm, but sits in traffic, comes home, goes right to the computer, is tired, we fight Hayden to go to bed, and by that time, both of us are exhausted, and need to go to bed ourselves. Also, I'm stressed because whenever the baby comes, he will need to take the day off, and maybe the next day, but everyday he takes off, is -$120 for us, and we need to be able to make rent. So I guess we will have to do the thing we did when Hayden was born, and just have him take THAT day off, and go right back to work the next day, and I'll have no help. It's better than having no place to live.

I can't wait until my schedule is different. I'm horrible when I'm pregnant. I would rather have the kind of fatigue you get from a non-sleeping, up every two hour baby, than the fatigue and grumpiness from pregnancy.
I just want to be back to 'normal' for Hayden, and not have to tell him that I can't pick him up, and I can't give him horsey rides, and I can't be patient with him because I'm so hormonal.

Also, I like where we live, but I don't have any close friends/family that live nearby that I can hang out with and talk to a lot, I call my mom about 4 times a day because I'm lonely or bored. I hate being alone. Hate it. And I'm alone all day with Hayden, stuck in an apartment, and every time we go somewhere, it's great for both of us, but then he's sick again the next week and we have to miss a bunch of play dates. It's usually from my little sister. I need to get him more vitamins. This is beyond frustrating. Sick 3 times in 2 months.

An update *copied from my pg.org board*

I had a great midwife appointment yesterday. My mom got to meet her for the first time. It was actually the first time she has ever been in the presence of a midwife and got to see how they do things. She was blown away. She couldn't believe how much amazing information she had, and how involved she let's family be in everything.

About a week ago, I had a major 'practice' labor. DH and I dtd, and BOOM! out of nowhere, I was having really strong contractions. They were painful, just like the labor ones I remember (right before I got my epidural with DS.) Nothing I couldn't handle with breathing and changing positions. I took a bath, got a couple things together 'just in case' contacted my midwife, and tried to sleep. They ended up going away at 4am. It turns out those 7.5 hours of contractions did something, because yesterday when checking the position of the baby, my midwife Lisa said she couldn't seem to find his head. She thought maybe it was way down there, but couldn't believe that it could have gotten that far in just a week. So she asked if I wanted her to check vaginally (which they don't normally do, they are pretty non-invasive) and I begged. I wanted to know if I had progressed on my own this time. Sure enough, she barely got in there before her eyes got big and she said 'oh wow.. his head is RIGHT there, your cervix is SUPER soft and so paper thin that I can feel the suture marks!" and then of course I begged for her to see if I was dilated (another thing they don't normally do unless you beg haha) and she again was a little surprised. 3-4 cm!

I'm happy that my body is doing it on it's own, as it's ready. Even though it's 3 weeks early, it's nice to know what it feels like to not have to be induced.

I'm home birth 'legal' now at 37 weeks. I'm excited, and I hope this means labor won't take as long, but who knows!

DH and I dtd again last night, and I had some of the same contractions and cramping, but it wasn't an explosive reaction like last time. I was able to sleep through it all.

Set up!

No baby yet! He's played tricks a few times on me now, and I thought I just wanted it to be over, and have him come, but now that I've been thinking about timing. It wouldn't be ideal anytime soon. I have a photoshoot on the 20th, Hayden is sick right now, and I don't want the baby born into a house full of germs, AND, I really don't want to miss Black Friday shopping with my mom this year. I wouldn't bring a newborn into a crowd of people, so I say, he can come when I get home after being on my feet all day.


Everything is set up. I'm going to take pictures today of the bedroom and diaper stash so far. I just need to wait for the birth pool my mom ordered, but if it doesn't show, I won't be too disappointed. If all else fails, I can have him in my tub. It's very small, but it's better than nothing! The last piece of the birth kit (umbilical scissors) came yesterday. I have a midwife appointment today with the student midwife. I really like her, but she's a bit too 'spiritual' for me at times. She talks to Nixon a lot, and asks him questions, and it get's really quiet.. and she says he answers back... cough.. :) She also mentioned that she thinks Hayden freaks out during prenatals and won't let anyone touch my belly, because he had a bad birth experience and has birth trauma. She told me to talk to him and ask him if he remembers anything. I change the subject quickly when she brings that up, because it makes me really upset and I'm sensitive about that. I'm already sad that I didn't go through with the home birth, and I didn't research enough. So that conversation just makes me feel extremely guilty. Other than that, her and the main midwife are AMAZING. They know so much, agree with me on so much, and make things so comfortable for me.

is this it??? 36 weeks, 3 days

1:05am...



Just texted the midwife. Contractions since 8:30pm. No epson salt bath helped, sleep on left side didn't help, and my uterus barely relaxes when the contraction dies down. She suggested dehydration. No way, I drink all day long and pee about every 20-30 minutes. She suggested sleeping. I just left the bedroom because I would fall asleep and get woken up immediately from the pain. Andrew missed work yesterday so he can help me with a sick Hayden, and I don't want him to miss work today too. He has to be up at 5:30. I think I'm just going to send him, and if he has to come back, he's not that far away.

I wish something else besides contractions would happen, or they would go away. I have NO idea if this is real labor. I would think by now my water would have broken, or my mucus plug would come out.. or something other than pain. Right now they only last about 30 seconds and they are anywhere from 2-4 min apart. The fact that they aren't getting stronger, and they aren't longer than that, means I'm not in active labor, but who knows if it will go into active labor, or go away and be a 'false' labor. I'm so tired.. I'm going to try and sleep again.. this time on the couch.

Thanks to do and Thanksgiving #1

I ordered my birth kit today. I hope it gets here on time and doesn't get sent to the postal annex due to the laziness of our mail carrier, like all the baby shower gifts.
I still have some things to get from the dollar store that would be cheaper than online like:

-A bottle of witch hazel
-A bottle of rubbing alcohol
-2 plastic shower curtains (to protect the mattress)
- A painters tarp (to protect the carpet from the birth pool)
-Heavy duty, heavy flow pads
-2-3 paper bags
-Freezer bag
-Plastic bowl
-2 rolls paper towels
-straws
-cold packs
-vitamin water
-snacks

I also need to:

-Pick up the boppy and bouncy seat from my mom's house and clean them
-figure out how to make a turkey for Friday night. We are having a little Thanksgiving so we can have our own leftovers since we already have the turkey and food.

Mmmmmmm

>.< extremely stressed.

I'm suddenly completely panicking and stressed. Money is not my favorite thing right now. My unemployment is getting cut off in December, Andrew never knows when the next week he will be working is, his parents attacked us last night about money and finances and how much debt we are in with them, and now I'm stressing at the money we are trying to come up with for the rest of the birth. We need $100 for the first deposit for the midwives, and I found out today I have to buy a $74 birth kit from a website, and HOPE it gets here in time for the birth, and I also have to have some plastic painters sheets, a new hose for filling up the birth pool, and some adapter for the sink so a hose can be fitted to it. I also need to pay off my diapers from a friend who made them for me, pay utilities, and get the house in order for birth and the holidays. And add getting the infant car seat base from my mom, and the cover and padding washed, and set up in my car and a 'just in case' emergency hospital bag packed for me and Nixon. Then I have Christmas shopping as well right after all that. Meanwhile, Hayden is sick again and I'm exhausted. I need to keep my stress level down so I don't cause an issue for myself with blood pressure.

And... we are still waiting on a $350 check from my birthing scholarship to make it's way to my midwives to go towards the payment. Project CABO, you are slow.

'Decor-eesh-huns'

Hayden and I took the Christmas decorations down today. I figured it would give us something to do, and it always puts me in a good mood. So I shut the blinds to block out the summer looking weather, blasted the air conditioner, (It's in the high 90s) put a few drops of 'winter garland' oil in the oil burner, and we opened the box. We have...5 decorations, not including our three stockings. Haha!!!!!!!

So this year, I need to remind myself that we are going to Target and getting a few decorations the day after Christmas from the clearance section to add to our collection.

_____________________________________

Hayden is being a complete monster. I'm so sick of the screaming. I was ready to bang my head against the wall and lock myself in the bathroom by 9am. Frustrating. We did enjoy a nice (but hot) walk this morning around Menifee Lake with Cheryl and Callan, and Sarah and her baby Luca. Hayden was in the jogger and seemed so relaxed, that he fell asleep for most of the walk.