21 weeks, 2 days

I'm halfway through my pregnancy now. I'm beyond excited. I just want to take all of the newborn clothes out of the space bags and wash them again and fold them into Nixon's dresser, and set up the co sleeper, and go buy a swing. I can wait though. My main priority is following Hayden's que's to come up with some sort of a routine for him. I decided that he needs to go to bed earlier. He's been going to bed at 9:45/10pm, and it's hard to get him to settle down. We used to have a great routine, until all of the moving stuff started. So we have been having dinner about 5:30/6pm, then going for a walk, or depending on how breezy it is, a night time swim, and then coming home, taking a warm bath, trying to read some books, and then laying in bed in the dark with a lullaby cd on. It worked really well last night, but he's been getting up and sleep walking/talking a lot lately. This week, he has asked for 'toothpaste,' 'to blow bubbles,' and last night he burst through his door into our room, draped in blankies, and headed for the living room to 'play with toys.' He didn't get very far, and collapsed on the floor and fell asleep. He ended up sleeping in the bed with me, and Andrew went to his spot on the couch, where he's found himself a lot lately because of Hayden, or my back killing me.

I'm hoping bedtime gets easier and easier, so that things with go smoothly when Nixon does decided to arrive.

Breastfeeding

I was chatting with a friend the other day via text, (haha) and she was asking about WIC, and what kind of formula I would be using this time around for Nixon. I told her that I would be exclusively breastfeeding. She immediately sent me a line of 12 text messages saying things like 'haven't you heard of that study they did where they proved formula fed babies are way smarter than breastfed babies?!' and went on to tell me that 'what happens is, the babies don't get enough nutrients if the mom doesn't it perfectly and take in all of the vitamins and proteins for the breast milk and they end up getting ear infections and they are sick all the time.' She then told me straight up that since I couldn't do it last time, I should just go straight to formula so that Nixon would be extra healthy, and I wouldn't have to work so hard.

It's not that I COULDN'T last time. It's that I was STUPID. I explained to her that I have never regretted anything more in my life than not continuing breastfeeding. I was extremely jealous of all of my friends, and I have now consumed myself with every bit of information and resource that I can, so I can successfully accomplish it this time.

After all, there is NO such thing as formula, the ONLY way to feed your baby is by breastfeeding.

I'm going to a breastfeeding class today for WIC, and then Saturday I'm meeting with the Attached Parenting playgroup they have locally. The leader is the head of LLL for our area and they hold regular breastfeeding workshops and meetings. I feel very thankful to have all of these resources around me!

17 weeks 6 days

I haven't been on in awhile. I'm having a really really hard time right now. Hayden has been very two year old-ish lately, and I don't have the energy for it. I can't wait for the moment my husband walks in the door, but he absolutely doesn't get it at all. He is grumpy when he get's home, and the first thing he wants to do, is sit at his computer. I can understand wanting to unwind a bit after getting up at 5:30am, working all day, and then driving the hour home. However, I can't get him to realize that I desperately need a break, or at least for him to step in and take over the responsibility 50/50 with me. We fight about it constantly. He hardly plays with Hayden anymore, and thinks that it's (and I quote) "your job as a SAHM, so you shouldn't need a break." I'm not ever asking for a vacation and to leave Hayden with him for a week by himself, but for us to come down with some sort of routine because that excuse is total BS. I also noticed that I am the one who does almost all of the potty training work, he will dump his toilet after I tell him to, but never right away, which ends in me having to dump it so Hayden won't pick it up and carry it around, sloshing pee everywhere. He won't do his hair, or brush his teeth because it's 'too complicated' and when we go out, that leaves me to doing everything for hayden, and then not having time to get myself ready.

Along with 100 other things going on right now, that tops it and and I'm so drained. Will update more later.