Nixon is almost 4 weeks old. I can't believe it's almost been a month since he was was born. A month of mourning the loss of my peaceful and beautiful birth. Although I feel better emotionally as every day passes, I will never forget how violent everything felt once I got to the hospital on that rainy day, and had my beautiful baby cut out of me. This last Saturday, I was at my mom's house for a family party, and my dad asked me if I had lost all my baby weight...(now that I think about it.. that's such a no no question for a guy to ask haha,) and I realized I had forgotten to weigh myself since Nixon's birth. So I ran up to my mom's room, stepped onto her scale in the bathroom, and BOOM! it totally hit me. The last time I had stepped onto this same scale, was exactly 3 weeks before, and I was by myself in my mom's bathroom praying for labor to start up again. I sat down and cried hysterically. I looked around and pictured myself in the tub while my husband held my hand. It hurt really bad to be up there again. Everyone always tells me "at least your baby is here and healthy." That couldn't be more true. He is absolutely amazing. I love him to pieces, and I should no longer be thinking of November 20th as a bad day, but a happy day. The day my baby made it into the world safely.
Today, I was going through paperwork to get ready for our WIC appointment next week, and I came across all of the paperwork my husband had to sign while I was being rushed into the OR. It didn't hurt as bad. Everyday I feel better, but I will always wonder what went wrong, and what I could have done differently, and why God made things happen the way they did.
*ohhh btw.. I did lose most of my pregnancy weight. I was 116 pre-pregnancy, and now I'm down to 118. :)
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